What I believe...

As a Catholic and in being Christian, I believe in God.  I believe He has created everything there is and everything that will be, done so through His Will and inspiration.  God has created all, with His Word, and sustains it by the power of the Holy Spirit.  The Nicene Creed and the Apostles Creed say it best.  I also particularly like the last part of the Apostles Creed:

"I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting."

The communion of saints is very meaningful to me, especially as we ponder the cycle of life.  When we leave our earthly existence, we find ourselves in a new spirit existence.  God made us to one day return to Him and have everlasting joy.  The road to Him is not easy, but Jesus came to show us in person how it can be done.

We are born a certain way.  By that I mean that before we can learn any habits, we typically, very early on, begin to exhibit certain innate traits.  I'm sure you've heard people make comments about babies like, "she's always happy, he's very high-strung, etc."  Our essence is God-given.

I got to see this more so with my Grandmother in her last days.  Throughout her life, she was not a fan of being sick.  She was a very strong lady, physically and spiritually.  In her later years, she would get scared if she got sick because she did not want to die.  She would say that she loved living too much to die!  Some might say that she thought that because she did not receive the proper catechesis (faith formation), but I think there are plenty of people with proper formation that are still scared of dying.  Grandma saw herself as young for a long time.  I think her years snuck up on her one day.  It was probably the day she had to rely more on her cane to walk.  It probably happens to everyone.  We have an image in our minds of what we look like and we probably don't update that image too often.  I know that for me, one day I looked in the mirror and I wasn't a kid anymore.

Recently, my sister sent me a picture of Grandma that I had requested from her.  Along with the picture I wanted, the file came with another picture depicting a younger "Grandma."  When I saw it, I saw the person that was inside Grandma.  She was probably 19 years old when the picture was taken.  This young lady in the picture depicted everything my Grandma exhibited after her stroke.

Bertha Ramirez Celestino. 1941.

In my Twitter updates, I mentioned three scares that she gave us.  She would begin to breathe a bit startled with her eyes open.  In her face, there was a will to live and a fear of dying.  This was the girl who laid in the bed scared.  This was the girl who fought and resisted the "call" to go Home to God.  This is whose hand I held.  This is whose face I kissed.  This is whose bed I stood by and prayed for.  This is who I spoke to, hoping that she could hear me.  And I am certain that this is how she now looks like in Heaven.

To me, those scary episodes were my Grandpa and family coming to her to escort her to Heaven.  To me, her reactions (her breathing, etc.) were caused by, dare I say(?), her stubbornness to "die."  Days later, her face changed to a peaceful, more accepting expression.  You could almost see the transformations going on in her as she came to terms with things.  She found Peace.  Monday, February 7, 2011, was a beautiful sunny day.  Peace was in the air that morning.  She offered up her soul to God as we prayed for intercession, as we prayed continual Hail Mary prayers.

I will see her again in life everlasting.  We will communicate through prayer through the communion of saints.  This is what I believe.

Who was my Grandmother to me?

I was given an opportunity to say some words at the conclusion of her funeral mass.  I had no idea of what I was going to say, but being in God's house, I knew that it would come from the heart.  I spoke in Spanish, as is my first language and mostly those in attendance, but here's a rough translation of what I said:

I had the honor and the privilege to have been taken care of by Grandma in the first days of my life.  Every since then, she was always a part of my life.  I learned from her how to approach life and not always in the big things, but in the simple details of my time with her.  Even when I went away to college and was away for almost seven years.  I did come home for summers, but during the semesters I strove to see her at least once a month.  And when I moved to Austin for almost three years, I still came home to visit.  I took care of Grandma recently at home, but She did not like to be taken care of; she was a strong person.  I had to do so from afar so I wouldn't hurt her pride or affect the strength of her will power.  It hurt me the times she fell and I had to pick her up from the floor.  I thank God that I was able to be there every time she needed me.  It was only through God's grace that I was able to help her.  As she had taken care of me during the first days of my life, I thank God that I was able to return the favor and take care of her during her last days of hers.

Grandma was definitely another mother to me.  I inherited from her what a son inherits from a mother - her time, her love, and her wisdom.  The word "grandmother" has two parts.  We are all so used to the word, that perhaps many of us never quite think about it.  It's just another title.  Well, the operative word is "mother" in the word "grandmother."  It describes the relationship that should exist - the relationship she seeks to have with all of her family (not just some).  Too many times, family is too busy or unwilling to sacrifice some time to see, or even call, their grandparents.  This is sad.  Sigh.  Before I go off on a tangent, that's all I will say on that, so I will keep focusing on "mother."

The word "mother" gave me the direction as to the nature of the relationship I should have with my grandmother.  Once this is established, you will feel there exists a need to take care of your "mother."  How could you not??  How could you cause your grandmother tears??  Grandmothers are very special.  Mine was to me.  I had several family traditions with her.  I always hugged and kissed her on every Christmas Eve night at midnight and again on New Year's Eve at midnight.  For as long as I had her on this earth, nothing was more important to me.  I got to do this 37 times.  I gave her flowers (roses) for Mother's Day and on Saint Valentine's day when I had the money.  Every time I got up from the table after a meal, I made sure I kissed her in gratitude.  I kissed her in gratitude if all she did was share a meal with me or give me a napkin, because she did it with love.  Love is responded with love.  If I left the house, I made sure that I kissed her goodbye because I did not want to live with an emptiness of missing an opportunity of showing her the place she had in my life.

Who was my Grandmother to me?  She was my other mother.

'Buelita Bertha R. Celestino

Bertha Ramirez Celestino

On February 7, 2011 at 9:15AM, my grandmother awoke to Eternal Life in Heaven.

Before her death, she laid asleep for several days as a result to a stroke during the morning of January 20, 2011.  She had bleeding in her brain and never was able to recover from the damage.  She remained, for the most part, in a peaceful state.  This was part of our consolation during these of her last days with us.

We had about two and half weeks of being at her side.  We began with hope that she would wake up, then we hoped that she would not be in pain, and finally all we hoped for was peace.  During this time, I had lots of reflections and meditations about who Grandma was, why I was by her side, and how God and His Angels and Saints were ever present.  And who knows??  Perhaps there are a few others that will come out throughout this blogging experience.

The following blog entries will try to unravel these thoughts from my head to the screen.  Who are these entries for?  These entries are for anyone who can find meaning in them.  And to some degree, these entries will attempt to express my love for my beloved 'Buelita.  God Bless you.