This I know.
Perplexities of LoBoS
Monday, December 28, 2015
Sacramental
This I know.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
God, the Father
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about God as my Father. Throughout time, people have lost their faith due to not getting what they want or wish. God does not serve or guide in that way, necessarily. My thoughts are a bit scrambled so forgive me if I ramble, but here are my thoughts.
Not too long ago on a Sunday Mass we had the Gospel where there was an attempt to trap Jesus by asking him about divorce and what Moses said about the subject. Jesus explained that Moses had allowed it because their hearts were hardened, but God had intended for man to be with one woman, to become one, and that no man should separate what God had united. Here we see that God's Will is one thing and our hearts acceptance of God's Will is dependent of how hard our heart is.
Now that I am a father, I have tried to relate to His Divine Fatherhood. I remember a story in the Bible where a man knocked on the door of a friend asking for assistance. He was turned away several times, but the persistence of the man eventually won him the assistance from his friend. How many times have you ever granted your son or daughter what was beyond what was allowed? I know I have, many times. I've granted my daughter a later stay with her friends because she asked. I've given one of my boys candy recently close to bedtime, because he said please. I have many other examples with all of my kids.
I keep hoping God the Father hears my insisting prayers of help. I keep trying to keep an open heart to His Will while I still struggle. Things are not easy, and at times I have to wonder if I would get tired of having faith and lose hope. Afterall, Mother Teresa had lost her faith to some extent in her earthly life too. I think I would continue to practice my faith until I gained it back, like she did. I actually cannot afford to lose my faith, not while my family needs me. Very soon, it could be all I have of any value.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Pater Familias - Part II
Today, eight days later, my son is home for the first time. Thank you, Jesus, for such love, for this miracle, for every moment that led to this moment of having him home.
One of the first things that I did upon arriving at home, was open three CDs. I grew up listening to Cri Cri records. My mother would place the records on the record player. As I got older, she taught me how to put the records on myself. We would sing our favorite songs together. One day, I came across a Cri Cri CD at the store. I wrote the date on the price tag after I bought it. October 6, 2001. This was eleven and a half years ago. I vowed not to open the CD until I had my own son to play it for. Within the year, I bought two more CDs. All three have been on my music shelf in a special place ever since. Yesterday, I dusted the CDs. This morning before going back to the hospital, I readied a little boombox CD player near the crib. Each moment was bringing me closer to upwrapping the CD's from their dusty packaging.
Finally being at home, the CDs are now unwrapped and being played for the first time; almost twelve years in the making. I've kept myself from getting too emotional but this is a very special moment for me. He seems to like the songs and are helping him relax and make himself at home.
Now that he is home, the next thing to open are the "It's a Boy" cigars that I bought days before he was born.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Pater Familias - Part I
Picture Perfect. |
Watching them grow, I cannot help but miss what I never had. I never had the chance to hold in my arms the three children I have now. I never got to sing them to sleep. I never changed their diapers. Actually, I am not too broken up about that one. But I think you are starting to understand where my thoughts go. I was not there when they were babies. The youngest one was already five years old. I have absolutely loved it when people tell me how much he looks like me. I also love it that he calls me Dad and how he would get excited to dress like me.
"I look GREAT!!" |
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Doing Yourself a Favor without Time-Travel
I've been pondering the whole "do yourself a favor" phrase. This phrase reminds me of a scene of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989).
The favor can be something small and temporal, such as when you put things where you can find them at a later time. I typically encourage my kids to get their clothes ready for the next day to save time the next morning. Putting my clothes where I can just grab them in the morning while I'm still half-asleep is a real time saver for the morning rush routine. Also, wake up 10 or 15 minutes sooner if you think you need more time. Rationally, do you really think those extra 10 minutes of sleep are going to make that much of a difference later on during the day? They really won't, but it will loosen up the morning schedule. I am also obsessed with efficiency. I blame my dad for those genes. I take out clothes from the dryer a certain way that will maximize my folding time and minimize wrinkles. I wash dishes and lay them on the counter to minimize water puddles. I wash my vehicles from top to bottom to use gravity in my favor. The list goes on. I'm not implying you should be as obsessed as I am, but definitely do yourself favors that will help you have peace of mind. Peace is the goal.
Whether the favor is temporal or eternal (spiritual), you will always be a beneficiary. Doing your due diligence may seem like extra work in the present time, but I promise that you will be thanking yourself later. Who better to do nice things for you than yourself?! Do yourself a favor. Be a friend to yourself. You deserve it.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Perplexing: The Professional Working Today
Great-grandmother and Great-grandfather on the far left. |
So, what happened to all of this saved time?! Where did it all go? Why is there STILL not enough time for family?? Perplexing. It seems as though companies took ownership of that saved time that was meant to be reserved for our families. I resent that. I want to reclaim that time. My family deserves it. One of my last employers, like many do nowadays, would ask the employees to "sacrifice some time." They would remind us that sacrifices are necessary. This usually meant having to come in early, stay late, and come in on the weekend. When a person is married and/or has children, the employee is no longer sacrificing his/her own time, but rather his/her family's time. The ugly part is that we don't give our families a voice in the decision to sacrifice THEIR time with us. I also remember when people used to get paid for their time. Professionals are typically paid salaries. Any extra time at work beyond the normal 40 hours in a week is not necessarily paid. Personally, no company I have ever worked with has ever paid me overtime. From the employee perspective, we're not any richer for our sacrifice.
Don't let the smile deceive you. This job was not fun. |
So I can only conclude that the time that technology and appliances gave us were hijacked by companies. And as I ponder the last of my days in a future far, far away, I can only think that I will not be quoted to say "I wish I would have spent more time at work." Companies, give us our dignity back to live as breadwinners of our family and be able to spend time with them. Pay me for what I know and not how many weekends I can put off my family. Treat me like the man of my house and not as your slave boy at your company. And the next time new technology arises, keep your grubby greedy hands off of my family's free time.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Two Saints. Twice the love.
I am the kind of person that needs to put certain things on the outside, hence the reason I made this blog account. I know that for some, that might sound counter-intuitive to meet my pain directly, but ignoring my thoughts or suppressing them is just not my style. I am aware that it might hurt, but that's just part of my healing. So here it goes...
- The first Sunday after the miscarriage, my wife was too much in pain to move so I took the kids alone to Mass. To my surprise, my parents joined me at Mass. Ever since I got married, I began to attend Mass in English. My parents until that Sunday, had always attended Spanish Mass. I was quite moved that the notion to attend English Mass came from my Dad - "Quiero ir a Misa con mi'jo (I want to go to Mass with my son.)." I was deeply moved especially during the Liturgy of the Eucharist when I have a special moment to talk to my babies in Heaven. I introduced them to their grandparents. "Your daddy loves you very much, and 'Buelo & 'Buela are here with me."
- Some people have asked me if things are okay without knowing the story. Or if they see me alone, they want to know where my wife is and how she's doing. At that point, I ask them for prayer, tell them what has happened, and I tell them how we're truly doing. Saying what happened still waters up my eyes. For some people, it might be bothersome. For me, my reaction is an expression of love for my little saints, and I gladly accept the opportunity to express that love when given the chance. Having that frame of mind doesn't keep it from hurting any less, but it does make it worth it.
- Seeing babies can be a challenge sometimes when you have gone through a miscarriage, or more. This is especially true for the moms, but also for the dads. Dads suffer as well. Or at least for me, it can be challenging. My recent hurdle was a failure. I am ready to see babies, but I decided to take it to the next level and see them with a musical element. Music is very powerful. It has the ability to bring back a ton of emotions to the surface. I thought I was ready to do this with music. I clearly was not. I don't think I will share the songs with you, but all you have to do is search YouTube for "child in heaven" and hang on for the emotional roller coaster steep drop. And don't forget your favorite brand of tissue paper. Grab the whole box.
My consolation again is my faith. I told myself that maybe Maria Jose needed a little brother to play with in Heaven. I can live with that. One day, I will embrace them. Being in October is also a blessing. October is Respect Life Month in the Catholic calendar. That will bring many thoughts of my babies in Heaven. Being members of the Kingdom of God and believing in the communion of saints is a special bond between us on Earth with those in Heaven. That brings great peace. Nonetheless, I still pray and ask for prayer. Saint Joseph, pray for us. Blessed Virgin Mary, pray for us.